Two Secrets to Living a Long Life
What’s the secret to living a long life? Hint: It doesn’t have anything to do with life extension tech or becoming more productive.
In the book Storyworthy, master storyteller Matthew Dicks wrote that most people burn through their lives going from one thing to the next without much recollection of what they actually did, and as a result live lives that resemble listening to an audiobook at 3x speed. On the other hand, he wants to remember everything because every day presents moments that are “storyworthy”.
I, for one, am in Matt’s camp. After all, are we really living if we can’t remember what we did?
As we enter the middle of the year, I’m left wondering where the time went and why my recollections are so fleeting. It occurred to me that I haven’t stopped moving. This last couple of weeks especially have been an absolute whirlwind. Here are a few highlights that I dug up from my calendar in the last month alone:
Went out on an epic night with New Yorkers and realized how 30 minutes in NY is worth more than 30 minutes in SF (opportunity cost-wise).
Helped three clients mind map their business and life challenges through my executive coaching practice. It’s been an honor.
Joined the advisory board of a media company creating content that inspires and helps ordinary people achieve their goals.
Took several friends camping for the first time.
Finished writing the first draft of a mind mapping book, bringing me one step closer to launching Mind Map Nation.
Went through an emotional low where I was so overwhelmed with future uncertainty that I even entertained the idea of going back to working for a company.
Being present for my oldest friend’s (of 27 years) graduation. Drove 20 hours round trip, stopping by Santa Monica and had an amazing catchup with a friend from London.
Backpacked 3 days with Olivia to wild hot springs in Big Sur to celebrate our anniversary.
Brought folks together at a sunset bonfire gathering at Ocean Beach during SF’s heat wave week.
Helped Brian flush out what he’s learned over the last two pandemic years. In the process, I realized that my mind constantly abstracts ideas from my experiences.
Many intimate dinners and chance encounters that resulted in deeper relationships and insights.
Phew! Each of these experiences is storyworthy, yet I haven’t had a chance to give them the full attention and appreciation that they deserve.
I’m far from the only one experiencing this “time compression” effect. As the world opens up, everyone seems to be making up for lost spending and travel time. As Summer arrives, our rate of activity will only reach a fever pitch. However, the more we do, the harder it will be to remember what we actually did.
We are the most stimulated humans in history. That’s saying something. Every day we live in an environment where every waking minute can be occupied with something to do, to eat, to watch, to play, to feel, to listen, to see. Not only are these things inexpensive and accessible, they are thrown at our faces, backed by billions of dollars of product development and targeted advertising campaigns. I’m not sure if we were evolved to handle this much information or number of choices.
Time Expansion
The opposite of time compression is time expansion. In many ways, time itself is an abstract concept that we humans have come up with to coordinate with one another. Animals and plants have lifespans but they don’t keep track of time. Trees naturally know to shed their leaves in the Autumn and regrow them in the Spring. Birds instinctively know to migrate to warmer climates for the Winter and return the following year. By definition, they are always present. We’re the only creatures that think about and, since the industrial revolution era invention of the alarm clock, obsess over time.
To make matters worse, thanks to the prevalence of the 40-hour work week (we are only supposed to work 15 hours a week given our rate of tech advancement), we have all developed a scarcity mindset towards time. While time is often referred to as our only true finite resource, it doesn’t mean we have to fill every waking minute of our lives with activity. Even the type of activity matters.
Being a systems thinker, I’m always pondering what we’re doing in a broader context. For example, I see life as a grand game of adaptation and competing interests, thus it’s important to know what game are we playing and who designed it.
This train of thought made me realize that nearly every activity we do generates monetary value for someone else. That’s literally how our economy works. Sure we derive joy and utility from these services and products, but it’s important to be aware that there is an ulterior commercial motive behind every transaction. To see who it ultimately benefits, we only have to follow the money. If the widening wealth gap is any indication, this game isn’t likely in the average person’s favor. Therefore, we should think deeper about why we want to do something and whether it’s truly in our best interests.
Living a Long Life
So the question remains: how do we expand our time to live longer?
The Stoic philosopher Seneca wrote in his essay, On the Shortness of Life that “life is long, if you know how to live it”. I would modify this statement to:
“Life is long, if you know how to appreciate it”.
In order to appreciate life, we first need to make space to reflect on it. Here are some steps that I’m taking to create some space.
Guard my alone time to recover from constant movement. This means not stacking more than two back to back days of meeting heavy days and setting alerts for myself to wind down throughout the day like during lunch time and after dinner. During that time, I can do some sort of solo activity like reading, writing, walking, meditating or even just napping (I love those!).
Be selective about what I say “yes” to. There are a million things competing for our attention including going to events and jumping on new projects. While I could theoretically fit everything into my calendar with enough “tetrising”, I need to recognize that there is a mental and emotional cost to eroding that buffer time. That cost is higher stress, fatigue and potential burnout.
Do a 1-2 week Dopamine Detox every three months or so to clear my mental air and reset reward cycles. This is huge. The cheap and easy stimulation we get from social media, Netflix, gaming, junk food, and Amazon Prime actually causes us to seek even more of it. This is known as the Dopamine cycle, which powers the work and reward mechanisms of our brains. Eventually these sources of easy stimulation replaces more healthy sources of dopamine like smashing goals at work, setting PR’s in the gym, or even reconnecting with friends. I’m currently doing a 7-day detox by cutting out social media, digital entertainment, junk food, and substances just to name a few. Because the Detox is a subtractive activity (i.e. removes things from my life), I actually end up with more time.
Once I have more space in my life, I can engage in activities that help me remember and appreciate what I do.
Take 30 minutes every morning to journal and reflect on what happened and the previous day’s conversations and learnings. I want to recall the highlights, those storyworthy moments. If the thought expands to a few pages, I might turn it into an essay that you read here on Silver & Steel.
Celebrate accomplishments in my career and personal life. Milestones are good markers to pause to remember and appreciate our journey. Even better if I can share my excitement with others who support and understand me.
In addition to organizing and showing up to big gatherings like bonfires and parties, I’ll set aside time to catch up with people 1:1, which is often more memorable than big group events. Another term for this is spending quality time with quality people. Identifying quality people to incorporate into our lives means we need to be discerning and effective prioritizers.
Our biological lifespans is only part of the equation to living a long life. The real secret lies in our perception of time.
No body wants to die young. Yet if I live to 100-years-old, but have not learned to pause and appreciate what I’ve done and the connections I’ve made, I’m worse off than someone who’s lived only half that time, but appreciated every moment of it. No amount of productivity hacks will change that.
The French composer Claude Debussy said that:
“Music is the space between the notes”.
Therefore, if we want our life to be a song worth playing and sharing, we need to create space for reflection and appreciation. Otherwise, it’s all just one continuous string of noise.
