Following the Gentle Path
My dear friend,
It’s been a while since I last wrote you. Nearly half a year. So much has happened. Though I don’t yet have the words to express everything, I trust that they will come as I write, as they always do.
Truth be told, I feel like a different person from last year. Perhaps the biggest change is that Olivia and I are no longer married.
Just as how we die is a testament to our character, how we dissolve our relationships speaks volumes about who we are. In short, we are going our separate paths due to differences in fundamental values, but the way we separated taught me a lot about letting go of expectations and control, of flow, of effortless living - especially when things feel so heavy that you can’t even move an inch. It is a sign to stop and evaluate what you need to shed.
I relied heavily upon the Taoteching during this difficult period, perhaps the hardest year of my life, surpassing even 2023 when we lost Olivia’s father and almost lost her too. I have been truly fortunate in that the right teachers have found me at critical points of my life. In this case, it was Laotzu and the many sages across the past 2,000 years who have carefully analyzed his words.
There is one line that aptly captures the spirit of our decision (I’m paraphrasing):
Transcendence is when reality is superior to name. Affliction is when name is superior to reality.
The reality is that we still deeply love each other and will continue to do so until we draw our final breath. Yet the name “marriage” no longer fits our evolving relationship.
It is when I prioritized our reality and let go of the name, the attachment to all the Expected timelines, when I stopped Forcing unnatural outcomes, when I overcame my Immaturity to face the true nature of things. That was when I finally stepped into the realm of infinite possibilities. That was when we found a third hidden trail to take beyond the simple binary leave or stay. As counterintuitive as it seems, we saved our relationship by dissolving our marriage. So that we can remain in each others lives as friends.
I’m grateful for those inner shifts, for they provided a “wormhole”, a graceful bridge to the optimal solution of an otherwise drawn out road of suffering that would have left us and our families, friends, communities beaten and battered. And for what? To preserve our fragile egos? To drown in the dark side of nostalgia? To pour all our energies to protect a present that’s no longer real - a future that no longer serves us?
This experience taught me that in order to truly love oneself as well as others, we must be able to detach, even momentarily, to summit atop our inner mountains so that we may see the entire landscape of our lives, to map out the course of action that will bring everyone involved safely to the other side.
The only cost to gaining that vantage point, however, is brutal honesty and vulnerability - so hard in the moment, but will always serve you and others best in the long run.
Finally, this has been a period of profound spiritual growth precisely because I’ve had to let go of so much to continue moving forward. It is the process of surrendering yourself, your fate, whatever outcomes that arise - to the Universe. To sense and follow the naturally flowing path of life.
What remains when all else is washed away is faith. Faith in my values, in my ability to live into the unknown, but more than anything, faith that Life will always provide what I NEED, not necessarily what I WANT.
Within faith lies humility, the emotional, not just intellectual, knowing that I do not have all the answers, can’t control everything or even know the best for myself. This kind of surrender and faith was the exact counter to my ego, who was kicking and screaming in the backseat, unaware of the glorious field of new possibilities that we were traveling through.
My dear friends, thank you for sticking with me through this journey. For letting me know that my absence was felt. Your kind words of gentle encouragement is what is drawing me back to creating content again as I emerge from my personal wilderness. As you may have noticed, the last two videos have been Epiphany Maps of deep reflection and transformation. Now you know the source of my muse.
Many more maps were made during this chapter, which I will share in due time. Perhaps they will be an arrow in your own quiver for facing (and enjoying!) everything that this life has to offer.
Sincerely,
Sheng
As with all my personal Epiphanies, this one in particular needed to be handwritten.
I’ll leave you with a note that I had shared with an Epiphany reader who wrote to me over the new years.
What's interesting is how every time I think I've reached a new level of personal growth (and plateaued), life decides to send me on another wild ride and present before me yet another "highest" peak to climb. I think this is because I live wide open to all possibilities and outcomes, rather than mitigating risks (to a reasonable degree of course) because this short life of mine has too many amazing experiences and relationships to savor. I have faith that as long as I live true to myself and my values/principles, which including taking the harder more vulnerable but authentic path with goodwill and service for all, I will turn out fine. More than fine.
As Bruce Lee says in Be Water, My Friends:
"I cannot and will not scoff at faith when reason seems to be such a barren thing...Faith is the maintaining of the soul through which one's aims may be translated into their physical equivalent...Faith is the state of mind that can be conditioned through self-discipline. This is the voluntary development of the emotion of faith."
Therefore, "faith" is active rather than complacent. I'll add that it becomes strengthened by closing feedback loops - and the past year I have closed enough to last a decade through overcoming some of the hardest challenges that I've ever experienced. Yet I know there are still more mountains to summit and more views to catch, my friend. My hope is that our paths will cross at key junctions of our individual journeys, so that I may hear of your stories and for me to share mine. We may be climbing separately, but we are never alone.
New Year Day 2025, Mojave Desert
Make the most of your Epiphanies
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